The Relationship Between Muhammad and Khadija: Historical, Social, and Personal Dynamics

By Dr. Maxwell Shimba | Shimba Theological Institute

Abstract

This paper critically examines the early marital relationship between Muhammad and Khadija bint Khuwaylid within the context of 7th-century Arabian society. Using classical Islamic sources and historical reports, this study explores the circumstances that led to their marriage, the underlying personal and social motivations, and how these dynamics influenced Muhammad’s later marital decisions. Questions are raised regarding the sincerity of Muhammad’s affection toward Khadija, his interest in her wealth, and his post-Khadija marital behavior. The analysis also addresses whether Muhammad's later choices reflected earlier suppressed desires and whether his marriage to Khadija was driven more by circumstance than romantic conviction.

Introduction

The marriage between Muhammad, later the founder of Islam, and Khadija bint Khuwaylid has often been presented in Islamic tradition as a union of mutual respect and affection. However, closer textual and contextual scrutiny suggests nuanced socio-economic and personal motivations behind this relationship. Khadija, a wealthy merchant widow significantly older than Muhammad, proposed marriage to him under circumstances revealing both her admiration for his character and the societal challenges posed by her status as an aging, twice-widowed woman.

This study presents a reconstructed narrative based on traditional Islamic historiography and hadith literature and then critically examines its implications.

Narrative Account: Khadija's Proposal to Muhammad

Khadija, described in this narrative as an elderly woman without teeth, wrestled internally with the thought:
“Could Muhammad possibly agree to marry me?”

After extensive deliberation, she resolved to convey her feelings to Muhammad. Despite considering the matter a fanciful dream, she acknowledged its feasibility, though she was troubled by doubts:
"Who could deliver my proposal? Would Muhammad, in his youth, accept an elderly woman like me?"

At that moment, a knock came at the door. It was her sister, Halah, who greeted her warmly. Halah, upon being welcomed, revealed she had experienced a disturbing dream where Khadija wandered in darkness, guided by a voice urging her forward. This prompted her visit to inquire about Khadija's well-being.

Khadija admitted:
"To be honest, I have been consumed by thoughts of Muhammad, pondering his virtues and character unmatched among the Quraysh."

Halah encouraged her:
"Then propose to him."

But Khadija confessed her fears:
"I’m afraid he might reject me because of my age. I have been married twice, and he is a young man of twenty-five, yet to marry. How could he accept a woman as old as his mother, with children of her own?"

Halah advised:
"Who first introduced Muhammad to you for business?"

Khadija answered:
"My friend Nafisa."

Halah responded:
"Then Nafisa should deliver your proposal."

Thus, the groundwork for the marriage was set.

Muhammad’s Social Position and Personal Considerations

At the time, Muhammad was an orphan of modest means, having lived with various relatives throughout his youth. Life offered him little stability. From this position of social uncertainty, marriage to a wealthy, respected woman like Khadija presented an invaluable opportunity for security and social elevation.

Textual Evidence: Muhammad’s Preference for Younger Wives

A revealing passage from Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 34, Hadith 310 offers insight into Muhammad’s personal inclinations. On one occasion, he asked Jarir ibn Abdullah:

"Have you married?"
Jarir replied affirmatively.

Muhammad then asked:
"A virgin or a matron?"

Jarir responded:
"A matron."

Muhammad remarked:
"Why didn’t you marry a virgin so that you may play with her and she with you?"

This explicit preference suggests that Muhammad may have favored younger brides, who would offer companionship and lighthearted interaction, raising questions about his emotional investment in Khadija.

Analytical Questions and Critical Reflections

Based on this narrative and supporting textual evidence, several critical inquiries emerge:

Did Muhammad Truly Love Khadija?
The text implies that Muhammad’s acceptance of Khadija’s proposal was driven more by socio-economic necessity than romantic affection. The hadith regarding his preference for virgins further suggests that his emotional fulfillment may not have been fully met in this marriage.
Was Muhammad Primarily Attracted to Khadija’s Wealth?
Khadija was a prominent businesswoman of Mecca. Her wealth and status offered Muhammad financial security, business opportunities, and social standing — factors arguably contributing to his consent.
Did Muhammad Orchestrate Khadija’s Death to Pursue His Desires?
While no historical record directly accuses Muhammad of causing Khadija’s death, the timing of his subsequent marriages, particularly to much younger brides like Aisha, raises speculative questions about suppressed desires and motivations possibly deferred during Khadija’s lifetime.
Why Did Muhammad Marry Multiple Wives Only After Khadija’s Death?
The immediate proliferation of marital unions following Khadija’s death might suggest that Muhammad, restrained during her lifetime — perhaps out of obligation or respect — seized the opportunity for personal freedom upon her passing.

Conclusion

This critical examination of Muhammad’s marriage to Khadija, viewed through the lenses of socio-economic realities, personal desires, and textual evidence, reveals a complex interplay of duty, opportunity, and suppressed inclination. While Islamic tradition venerates this marriage as one of loyalty and partnership, historical scrutiny suggests it may have been more circumstantial than affection-driven. Muhammad’s later marital behavior, including his explicit preference for younger brides, reinforces the notion that his union with Khadija may not have aligned with his deeper personal desires.

References

Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 34, Hadith 310.
Ibn Ishaq. Sirat Rasul Allah (The Life of Muhammad), trans. A. Guillaume.
Watt, W. Montgomery. Muhammad at Mecca. Oxford University Press, 1953.
Al-Tabari. Tarikh al-Rusul wa al-Muluk (History of Prophets and Kings).

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Monday, July 21, 2025