Do You Love Your Wife—or Control Her?

 Do You Love Your Wife—or Control Her?

A Biblical Call to Love, Honor, and Protect Women

By Dr. Maxwell Shimba
Shimba Theological Institute

The measure of a man is revealed not in his strength over others, but in his love toward those entrusted to his care—especially his wife. Scripture is unambiguous: a husband is called to love, not dominate; to serve, not subdue; to protect, not harm.

The Bible frames marriage as a sacred covenant grounded in self-giving love. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Christ’s love is not coercive; it is sacrificial. It does not wound; it heals. It does not intimidate; it restores dignity. The apostle Paul goes further: “He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28). Violence against a wife, therefore, is violence against one’s own body—and a betrayal of Christ’s example.

Scripture consistently elevates women as honored, intelligent, and indispensable partners. In Genesis 2:18, God creates woman as ezer kenegdo—not a subordinate helper, but a powerful counterpart, a strength corresponding to man. The term ezer is often used of God Himself as Israel’s help and deliverer. From the very beginning, God’s design is partnership marked by mutual respect and shared dignity.

The New Testament reinforces this vision. “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:19). Peter commands husbands to honor their wives as “heirs with you of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7). Equality before God is not a modern invention; it is a biblical reality rooted in creation and redemption.

Against this backdrop, any religious system that permits a husband to strike his wife—even under the language of “discipline”—stands in sharp moral contrast to the gospel. Love cannot coexist with sanctioned violence. Control is not care. Fear is not fidelity. When authority is divorced from compassion, it ceases to reflect the heart of God.

True masculinity, according to Scripture, is cruciform—it takes the shape of the cross. A Christian husband is called to lay down his life, not raise his hand. He leads by serving, speaks with gentleness, and exercises strength through restraint. The fruit of the Spirit—love, kindness, patience, self-control—has no room for abuse (Galatians 5:22–23).

This message is not merely theological; it is deeply practical. Homes flourish where wives are cherished, not controlled. Children thrive where love, not fear, sets the tone. Communities are healed when men learn that power is best expressed through compassion.

To women who have been told—by religion or culture—that they are lesser, weak, or disposable: the God of the Bible sees you as precious, strong, and fully equal in worth. You bear His image. You are co-heirs of grace. You are not an object to be managed, but a partner to be honored.

And to husbands: the question remains—do you love your wife, or do you seek to control her? Choose the way of Christ. Choose love that protects, honors, and uplifts. In doing so, you reflect the heart of the Creator who designed marriage not as a hierarchy of fear, but as a covenant of love.

“Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).
Love builds. Violence destroys. God calls us to love.